Wednesday, 8 August 2012

What a Scooter Accident Taught Me about Dying & Rebirth!

On Thursday the 28th of June 2012 I had a scooter accident. It happened as I was on my way to reach a private client our weekly session.

Both the driver and I were at fault. Luckily it wasn't too serious.
I injured my right shoulder. I have lost the usual range of motion in the shoulder as well as strength. Other than that I had a few scratches bruises and some road graze. My scooter was a complete write off! The other woman's car had a damaged side mirror, that was it.

The following days I was totally stiff and could barely move my right arm. I recovered quite quickly and was teaching yoga by the following Tuesday. I decided to cancel all public classes I was teaching and just teach my three private clients. As I was teaching my first private session of the week, my arm started to feel better during the warm up. I was very grateful for that.

I realised how lucky I was to have discovered yoga. it's probably because of my flexibility through my yoga practice that I had gotten away with only a sore shoulder. I felt hope creep back into my heart.

After the accident over the weekend. I was feeling very lost and a little bitter. I could feel that my hope, zest & courage had all sunk. I was feeling bitter for my situation... bitter that I couldn't afford a safer means of transport, bitter towards the person who turned into me, bitter towards my husband for not allowing me to have perused my dreams earlier so that we would never have fought so much & then I would never have had to separate our relationship, bitter towards the world for demanding so much to survive. I wanted to blame everyone else for my circumstances, because I felt like I had to sacrifice my life for what I wanted & couldn't get a break.
It took a while for the lesson to sink in, but YES, I have to give up my old life for the one I want to make!

I won't be able to enjoy the life I want if I don't leave the one I had behind or at least my old self. And there I was, blaming the whole world again just like I used to. Sometimes things don't always go as planned. In my case, I wasn't fully present and acted on impulse rather than approaching with caution & a little reason, causing my part of the accident.

Of course, the accident didn't do any good for my business. July was probably my worst month of the year and it's been pretty hard to get students to come back to the early morning yoga classes that I do teach. I felt the uncertainness and my fears pulling me down. I also had to wait for insurance to pay out to get some new wheels. But on the ups side, it gave me the space to recover physically more. I'm still not out of the shiz, but I have a feeling things will pick up.
Do I still have that burning fire to pursue my dreams to be of more service through yoga movement & meditation? You can bet your old life I still do!

So what things are you not taking responsibility for? What are you feeling bitter over? Who are you blaming, condemning & not forgiving? Are you big enough to admit your part for being or staying in your situation? What actions steps can you make and execute towards that change you know you want?

The old you has to die, just as the phoenix does, so that you too can be reborn! If you don't, that life you're dreaming of will always be just outside your reach.

"Change is the constant, the signal for rebirth, the egg of the phoenix." ~ Christina Baldwin

Facing Uncertainties in All Areas of My life.

I think the last time I blogged, it was in March... Bad girl for not being more consistent with my journal entries and adventures.

Today I want to chat about uncertainties... since that constitutes a huge part in my life. I have chosen this to step into the path of uncertainty & stare it in the face. It is waaaay out of my comfort zone and it's something that is still so alien to my old habits of safety, certainty & stability. Sometimes I cower... But then I remember that I'm the author of my life & I stand up again.

I have finally given in to this nagging desire of my dreams which are as a result of my life experinces. I have big dreams... I won't reach the big vision for a while, but this is part of my direction and in a way is the destination in itself. I have chosen these following things:

  • To do something about feeling lack of self-worth and growth through:
  1. Working towards becoming financially independent by freelancing as a private yoga coach. I am going to stick to earning a living on my terms. I would rather work 24 hours for myself than work 1 hour for someone else when I have my own burning desire to do so.
  2. Educate myself in my fields of interest that are relevant to my particular "calling" in personal growth & development through research & application.
  3. I want to reach out & offer what I have learnt, know and have applied to others so they too can apply these methods & empower their own lives. I believe that abundance comes from being of service and isn't it lucky that what I want to do with my life fits right in with service. Recently I have learnt that you can't lack your way into abundance. When I heard that... It was the most profound wake up call because I know how easy it is to get stuck, feeling like you have been done in, wishing for the life of your dreams. If you know me... I don't subscribe to woo woo hippy concepts, but this is true. An attitude of lack & dissatisfaction to get more of what your really want. Too often we live and act from a place of what we don't have, because it's SO IN YOUR FACE! But know this, there is a way to change that, but it starts with awareness on your own attitude; so I'll say it again:

"You can't lack your way into abundance!"

  • I have chosen to start up my own business. I'm a solopreuneer (for now)! I started working for myself out of a burning desire, a little stubbornness, plenty of persistence, blood, sweat and tears (all are literal). I knew this was going to be difficult with zero capital, no real plan except for a dream, limited access to the internet and the list can go on... But I chose it. This forces me to expand my skills until I can delegate some more.
  • I chose to move away from my hubby, leaving (then) my three years old sun under his roof because I couldn't afford my own place. I stay with two house-mates and my husband still generously contributes to my expenses as I try to build my empire. I chose this... Luckily I live down the road and get to spent time & see my baby every day. Many other parents don't have it that easy. My heart goes out to them.
Now I wont list all the difficulties that I encounter with the above mentioned (your eyes might glaze over), but every day... I am faced with uncertainty. Uncertainty as to wether there will be a need for what I have to share, if I will ever have the capability to be financially independent. I am fine with partners agreeing to support eachother, but I'm not that girl. I'm growing into my womanhood and in my eyes, I'm a little of a late starter, but that's okay. Uncertainty is a part of growth... Uncertainty can cause a lot of stress, anxiety and if you don't get a hold on it, it will also consume you into a hefty depression, constant anxiety and stress, lowered immune system, chronic inflammation and all sorts of compromising health problems. Remember... only if you allow it to rule your life. Don't be ruled by it.

Uncertainty and the resulting emotions around it is actually a pretty useful thing. It drives us into action (work). That is it's purpose. When you bring uncertainty into balance with trust (on your maker's or the universe's part), add a little action to that (on your part) then hook that all up with some clear prospective, then you will be the winner!

Truth 1:

The truth is that growth and all those things you dream about, happen outside of your comfort zone! No wonder we never even want to look into that direction unless we are forced to at worst. Some days I am so scared and stressed that I physically get ill, because I forget that I have everything I need, that I am looked after (faith). It's when I start feeling lack and allow the old paradigm of victimisation creep back in, that's when things go downhill.
Getting it right means you have to take a leap of faith into what might be a little uncertain for you and then keep your clear prospective in place when it gets tough.
I left my Mormon faith and haven't picked up a Bible since, but Mastin Kipp reminded me of a verse that is a universal truth in it"Faith without works is dead"

Check out his blog on this topic, it blew my mind because of how I resonate: The Daily Love: "So you say you have faith huh?" Its great, talking about what exactly faith means.

Truth 2:

There will always be uncertainty in your life, because you DO NOT have control over other aspects of life. Yet, as humans we seek to control as many things as we want to avoid uncertainty! Sure we can have control over the choices we make, but we don't have control over others or their choices. Trying to control everything will land you in some pretty unhealthy situations, trust me!
I'm not saying that there is no space for planning, preparation or achievement etc., of course there is an end game. But in order to have meaningful and amicable relationships/interactions, we need to know who we are (or at least start figuring that out), act according to our integrity/authenticity, respect other's spaces and just let the rest be.

Truth 3:

Facing the unknown motivates our action and here it's often where the most creativity is born out of... It's where the growth happens and where you (on the best days) will feel the most alive! With the right perception, belief in yourself and your dream, facing uncertainties is just another natural part of life and its process. In fact, we all subconsciously CRAVE it! Your biology demands that you evolve, it is an inherent quality we are all borne with, it's natures way of improving our survival skills.

Truth 4: 

You can control your character & your outlook to the things that happen outside of your control. The meaning you give these occurrences is 100% in your control & knowing this is what can help you to live a more meaningful life. You can choose it. No, that doesn't mean ignoring stuff that needs addressing; but like Brendon Burchard says in his book, "The Charge":

"...It turns out that the grandest needle mover in your depth of control over your life is your outlook, the quality of the meaning you attach to the events in your life and your future."

So what uncertainties do you have about your life?
How can you learn to keep the fear, anxiety and stress at a healthy level?
What are your breakthrough moment of clarity from uncertainty?

"The reason most people never reach their goals is that they don't define them, or ever seriously consider them as believable or achievable. Winners can tell you where they are going, what they plan to do along the way, and who will be sharing the adventure with them." 

~ Denis Waitley, author, keynote lecturer and productivity consultant